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I think the song I'm listening to is one of the saddest songs ever. What does anyone else think is a sad song?

Speaking if sad, I read We Need to Talk About Kevin. I don't usually read things that are serious anymore; it's all romance novels and non-fiction. However, someone had bought it on the kindle and so I couldn't resist. It was really heavy. I think it made me depressed all evening after reading it and I still don't really know what I think about it. I tried to convince my sister to read it so we could talk about it and she refused.

I spent all day at a stupid training and it didn't do anything to make me feel any better. I probably should just get what I need to get ready for tomorrow and lay down, even if PPJ is going to stay up.
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So my daughter has to have botox injections in her legs and the have her feet pressed as flat as they will go and then have casts put on. Then they'll repeat the process until her feet are flat.

This sounds really shitty.
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After being careful for several days, I just accidentally leaned my forearm on something and popped my disgusting burn blister. On the same subject, I realized this afternoon that now that my shoulders aren't red anymore, the skin is sloughing off and I have tons of tiny blisters. I feel like such an idiot for getting a sunburn, and now I have to go to the dermatologist tomorrow with evidence of my shame.

PPJ has decided that she has to use my computer to watch Spongebob videos, which makes it hard to post. I am using my work iPad, but even with this keyboard that they got with it, it still kind of sucks. Esp because it is mac so the keys are in slightly different places. The iPad was such a waste of money. The only thing I use it for is fun or to let PPJ play with it.

Read more... )
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Got my exam done and dental stuff is over with. PPJ did well and it went really quickly because there was a cancellation. My sunburn got about 500 times worse overnight. The pain is bad enough, but you also know everyone who sees you thinks you're an idiot... anyway, I am going to start a new TS3 game to celebrate the week of summer I have left! Posting from my phone so if this is hideously formatted and riddled with errors, sorry.
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PPJ was invited to the pool today, so I just spent three hours frying in the sun and I'm beat. It's nice to see that other kids like her even though she's weird as hell. She has some kind of charisma that I don't understand.


I have my final exam due at midnight but I think I'm going to have to take a nap. It's also my night to cook dinner... guess I shouldn't have procrastinated so much! Don't let me sleep too long, lol.
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I have read about how Mary Poppins is supposedly going to duel with Voldemort at the Opening Ceremonies, and several other people have speculated about it. For some reason, it made this recut Mary Poppins trailer pop into my head.

Aside from a lot of appointments and meeting a friend for coffee, I haven't really done much but lay around yesterday and today. I think I used myself up on the homework marathon. I have an assignment due tomorrow at midnight but it's not really bad at all; in this class the professor actually tells you exactly what you are supposed to do and it bears some relation to the class.

Read more... )
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So, while I slaved away the past two days on a bunch of graduate level, grade A bullshit, I watched a bunch of stuff on Netflix.

First, my sister told me to watch a documentary called The Rock-afire Explosion. I should point out that my sister's boyfriend (who is also a friend of my husband's) loves bizarre and weird movies, and is able to magically find them, and find them on Netflix. So lord knows how they stumbled across this, but they did.

Anyway, for those of you not in the know, such as myself before I viewed, The Rock-afire Explosion were the animatronic band that played at Showbiz Pizza in the 1980's. The documentary is basically about the creator of the Rock-afire and the super-fans that still love it--- so much that they own their own shows. It was pretty fantastic in a way that I can't describe. My sister found it kind of depressing, I think, which I didn't except in the sense of nostalgia or things being lost with time, but she doesn't really fangirl anything so I think to her the whole concept seemed kind of odd. To me, I actually thought it was kind of inspirational.

Another recommendation from my sister, but only because it was so bad: Santa Sangre. I am not going to link to it here, because it was the biggest waste of my life I've ever seen. I will cut for spoilers here, but believe me when I say the movie is spoiled to start with. Also, don't read if completely messed up shit will make you upset.

Read more... )

The most mystifying thing about this movie is that if you google it, it's almost UNIVERSALLY PRAISED. Seriously. Not just by fans on Amazon but by almost all major movie critics. What a tour de force of the thought-provoking human condition of mans inhumanity to elephants and surreal incestuous cinema blah blah blah blaharrrrrrggggghhhh.


I think I hated the movie a lot more than I thought, now that I just word-vomited the whole insane plot in a stream of consciousness rage. Maybe nobody should read that.

To make up for this awful flick, today I watched Twin Peaks while I worked. Man, that show was so damn good. I've always wanted to find some good fic that wrapped it up after it was cancelled with all the cliff-hangers. I know it has to be out there.

Ok, my intent was to update about some media instead of life tragedy, and then read a book I got today used. I think I blew my wad with my frothing rant about Santa Sangre, but I do want to mention the book before I go to sleep.

It's called The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore. (Why the hell do all non-fiction books have such long subtitles anymore? That's a rant for a whole other entry I guess.) It was referenced in this NY Times article. I was intrigued by the article and found it resonated with me, as someone who is lonely sometimes. Anyway, I will report back if it's any good. And if it's not, I'm going back to reading more gay werewolf romances by J.L. Langley.
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I keep getting comments on public entries at LJ, and all they just links to weird youtube videos in foreign languages that look like news footage from 1985. I don't understand what the spammers are intending to accomplish with this.
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I finished two assignments, half of a midterm, and three discussion questions today. Not bad, I don't think. I have three assignments, the other half of a midterm, and a final to go. I have 48 hours so I think it's manageable. The professor isn't a hard grader at all, and that will help. What won't help is that this is one of the most BS classes I've had to take in about ten years. Ugh. You'd think just making crap up would be easier than learning, but it isn't.
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Some anonymous person left a comment in an LJ community on a SH2 fanfic I wrote 4 or 5 years ago. It's screened, apparently, and it's pretty random and dumb so I don't know whether I want to take the effort to unscreen it.

I woke up this morning and had a really bad headache, so I did that thing were you go back to bed to avoid it. So of course, I woke up with my head hurting even worse and in the interim I had this completely freaky nightmare. In it, we were living in my mom's house and it was ours. All kind of weird stuff was happening generally, but then the whole house started to fall apart. The house was like, melting and we were rushing to get out, and people were trapped inside and it was huge. Just bad.
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I never thought Tom Cruise was at all interesting when he was a young, wholesome guy, but now that he's old and creepy I kind of dig him. I feel ashamed.
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Summer school is kicking my butt. I am falling way behind in classes. I need a week to lay around and play video games.
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I should be asleep but I am having trouble getting there. PPJ fell asleep for most of the evening, and I didn't wake her because I was sewing. I made her teachers and assistants aprons for their end of the year presents. I have been working on them on and off for several weeks and I really wanted to get them done today because school ends soon. I think they turned out pretty well. I will post pics of them; I tried to take some earlier but my phone was so dead it wouldn't let me use the camera function.

Anyway, that means that now PPJ is reciting some Aesop fable in a weird voice and has this really stupid Spongebob music video playing on repeat, so it's hard to fall asleep.

Ok, I end up rambling on here... )
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I keep thinking, "I need to post on my journal." Then something else happens and I don't do it and then I think again that I should post. Nothing big or exciting, just normal life crap. The end of the school year is coming up and there's always tons of crap to wrap up and meetings to be had, end of the year testing, and then I had a bunch of crap to do for finals. Now I have a couple weeks before summer classes start. I've also been sewing aprons for PPJ's teachers and assistants as end of the year gifts. It hasn't been too bad but I miscalculated how much rickrack I needed to decorate them so I now I have to get back to the fabric store so I can finish them. I will try to remember to take pics before I give them all away.

Random thing I discovered lately that disturbed me: That one of the kindergarteners at my school has seen the movie The Strangers. That shit gave me nightmares, and he's six. Let me tell you, you can't imagine how fucked up some people are and what they think is normal and ok for little kids to see/do/know.

My house is a mess and it's stressing me out. But I hate cleaning. So now it's a war between hating it being dirty and hating feeling like a failure and hating cleaning. Hating cleaning is winning. I even told my sister I would pay her to clean and she (as an unemployed college kid) refused. That's how badly that hatred runs in the veins of my family.

Ok, I obviously have nothing of real value to impart to the internet at this time. What's going on with all y'all?
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So, I have a Kindle DX that is a couple years old. Not sure about the model or whatever; it was a gift. It's early though, probably the first one. I have it because my mom is a Kindle freak. She gave me her old original kindle when she got a newer one, and then she got the DX and didn't like it so she gave it to me. (It's the one that is really large.) It has been good to me and I hadn't had any issues with it until the last four months, say, and it will reset itself periodically.

Well, since my mom is a Kindle freak, she got one of the new cheap Kindles to test it out. It has a touch screen but no keyboard and you have to use your own wifi. (My DX has mysterious Amazon connection that comes built in.) She wasn't able to get the wifi working properly, so when I was over there on Easter, she told me to take it and see if it worked with ours. It did (my stepdad has his wireless set up in this ridiculous, convoluted way that he insists is necessary to keep it secure but really just seems to make it hard to use, so I assumed from the first that it was that and not the Kindle).

I told my mom it was working fine, and so she told me I could keep it if I wanted it. Being a Kindle freak, she sees nothing wrong with owning a million of them, and she had mentioned before that I might want to buy a cheap one to carry with me since the DX is so large. The new one is less than half its size, and I will admit that if the DX is in my bag and I go grocery shopping or something, it does get heavy. However, I find something really anxiety producing about the whole scenario... I don't want to choose between the two. I have an irrational affection for the DX, and there are pro's and con's to both models. I could keep both, but then I find something stressful about the thought of having two Kindles but having DIFFERENT BOOKS on each one. It's making me set my teeth as I even type it. Basically I have been reading off both them for the past week and putting off a decision. (Because since the little one isn't really mine, it doesn't matter if the books aren't the same.)

Otherwise, the weekend has been OK. Friday at work was bad. I had several stressful meetings, and the main office finally decided to put out this emergency bulletin detailing how bad the funding for school is and what will need to be cut. I think that's pretty poor planning to do that at the end of work on a Friday. It really put me in a foul frame of mind, and then yesterday I had a really bad headache that I couldn't shake. I feel a bit better today, but I want to read a book and that's making me obsess about the whole kindle thing. Maybe I will play a game instead. Avoidance is an art.
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I should be going to sleep instead of posting, because I am really tired which is making me overly emo. But I am doing that thing where you don't go to bed for no apparent reason, I guess mostly so you can regret it in the morning and wonder why you did it and say you won't again when you totally will.

First, I just discovered, although it's apparently several years old, that someone redid Silent Hill 2 as an 8-bit game called Soundless Mountain II. It is a free download so I started playing it and it is so far completely how I remember the original. Only flat.




This also led me to the discovery of a new survival horror 8-bit by the same guy called Lone Survivor. It's getting great reviews so I want to try it. However, it looks like it might be a little sad or intense, and I don't know if I should go there right now (See: emo). Also, I am playing Bioshock 2 at the moment, so I think I will wait on it.

Speaking of which, I suck a dick at 3D games. I am terrible at Bioshock 2, and the only consolation I have is that I am marginally better than my sister. So far my limited combat skills have been enough to get by without excelling and hopefully they will continue to be adequate as the game progresses, but since we aren't really even into anything too tough I have doubts.

I also had a panic attack over a giant shark at one point and had to take an extended break. I have an irrational fear of being eaten by an oversize undersea predator. Fortunately, since I will never go under the sea, unless my plan to be buried at sea happens and then I'll be dead anyway, it's a pretty irrelevant fear to have for a land person and doesn't influence my life to any large extent. However, in a game environment where a giant shark could actually threaten your character's well-being, it does have an impact. I'm even almost sure that it was purely a visual effect and wouldn't get my Big Daddy, but I didn't even want to look at it.

Ok. I am giving in and going to bed since I have to be in super early tomorrow.
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but I wouldn't say I've been only having fun.

Work, Games, and 90's movies )
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I can't believe the weekend is over already..

Anyway, the birthday surprise went off well. My sister and I went to Target and got a tv stand after my husband went to work Friday evening (my mom had PPJ to spend the night.) The only problem was, they loaded it for me and when we got home, my sister was too feeble to help me bring it in. We parked the car on the other side of the yard and told my husband there were party supplies and don't look in it.
My husband ended up having an errand planned Saturday, so his friend was waiting nearby and drove over and helped me unload the tv stand and brought the tv. Then he called my husband and acted like he was just coming in to town and got him to go straight to a coffee shop to meet him. I said I would drive myself because I needed to shower and get dressed. So, we did all meet for awhile. Then, we went home and my husband got there first and saw the tv and stand with a bow and a sign that said happy birthday. He was shocked, I think.

The rest of the day was spent getting PPJ from grandma's house, listening to guys (our other friend came too) hook up the tv and troubleshoot hdmi cables and composite something somethings, and having an Indian dinner.

Today I haven't done much. I put a load of clothes in the laundry so PPJ will have something to wear, and otherwise I've been playing Sim City 4. We met my friend from work for dinner at our local Mexican place (salsa bar, yay!) so I didn't even cook dinner. I can't believe it's 8Pm and the weekend is about over.....

Ugh.

Mar. 22nd, 2012 11:16 pm
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So, I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately. I don't really feel depressed or sad, but I am super tired and have no energy. I also am finding myself avoiding most of the people I work with because interacting with them just seems so tiresome that it's not even worth it. Now, they can all be total idiots, but it hasn't even been that. It's been more of a "why the hell should I ask you how you are because I don't really care" kind of thing, but with no feeling of malice. I keep coming home and sleeping, and although I will complete assignments for my one class right before the deadline, in my other class I keep putting stuff off because it's self-paced and there's no penalty. So basically I have depression without a sad affect, so does that still count as depression?

Now, my back is still bothering me a great deal, and that is truly annoying. I can't stand for any length of time without it feeling like my hip joints are full of ground glass and someone is stabbing me in the pelvis. I've been seeing a chiropractor, but I've started to get paranoid that perhaps I really have some kind of bizarre disease or other issue and I just think it's my back. I did have some pain a couple weeks ago that was like when I had an ovarian cyst, so that's fanning the flames. I suppose I could go to the doctor and see, but one, I detest going to the doctor, and two, in my experience, they never help you with non-specific complaints of this nature anyhow.

In happier news, it's my husband's birthday this weekend and his friend and I have cooked up an elaborate plan to surprise him. He thinks his friend might have to work and won't be able to come into town. In reality, he is definitely coming (and possibly bringing another friend) and with him he will bring the new television that several people chipped in to buy and we had sent to his home to keep a secret. I am sure my husband has no clue he is getting a tv. Ours is very old, small, and basically sucks. It's even hard to play some games on it because the screen quality is grainy.

Well, even though it feels like Friday I should go to sleep because it's really Thursday. But let me leave you with an odd little nugget. I read [personal profile] rosehiptea's entry about going to the museum and seeing artwork by female surrealists. That reminded me that back in high school, I got a book on a whim at this giant book clearance sale that was by a female surrealist. I really loved it, but at some point it exited my life. I don't remember if I gave it away, or lost it, or what. Anyway, I was inspired to Google it, thinking maybe I could figure out what it was and pick it up again for a few bucks.

Well, the novel is The Seventh Horse and Other Tales by Leonora Carrington (who actually only died last year). However, it is out of print and used copies range from $37 to $322. For a paperback. I guess I should have taken better care of mine. D:
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For some reason, I spent all my spare time last week sleeping. Then I tried to relax further by playing TS3 all weekend, which worked out well. However, then dreaded Daylights Savings Time struck, and even though I got a lot of rest last week, I am now exhausted and sleeping in all my spare time. Which isn't as much as last week, since it was spring break for my sister, so she didn't need to be driven to classes a lot. D:

I feel like I never update, and as soon as I started typing, PPJ said, "I want computer. Yo Gabba Gabba." This translates to, "Give me your damn computer, mom, because I want to get on the Yo Gabba Gabba website RIGHT NOW!" So I am going to give in because I need to go back to sleep now anyway. Hopefully everyone is well out there.

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August 2012

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